"Teaching and learning are not the same thing -- we should really concentrate on the learning part and make our teaching conform to it." -- Robert Ackerman, ESU professor

"Education is one quarter expertise, one quarter conversation, one quarter art, and one quarter crowd control." -- Karl Ackerman, High school Chemistry teacher (my brother)

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When I first arrived in China, I could have made a list of things I would do while I was here, a list of things I would learn, and the tasks I would attempt to endeavour, but becoming a teacher (and at a university, nonetheless) would not have made the cut.  As of March of this year, I have been a university level English teacher at Shenyang Normal University. I know, it's hard to believe, isn't it? You could ask anyone who knows me, and they would tell you that my ultimate career goal is to be a university teacher. Who knew I would get there quite this fast?

I teach two classes of oral English. I teach English to 60 scared students each week. They call me "teacher" and jump up to erase the blackboard for me. They greet me when they enter a room and avoid eye contact from my immediate gaze for fear I might irrationally lash out and force them to give a speech in English. It's very odd transitioning from a student to a teacher. In fact, I am both. I still attend all my classes, and studying is still my main goal, but I've picked up these classes as something extra.

I work on a new part of campus, in a land far, far from the rest of the Shenyang Normal University "civilization."  Last year, a new road was constructed on campus. Along the road are several brown colored buildings. Inside they are spic-n-span, but outside, piles of dirt and rubble surround them.  Next to my teaching building (the first brown building in the line) there is an open lot where a build once (likely) stood. The building was destroyed, presumably for a newer, better building, but the construction workers haven't gotten around to cleaning up the bits of building which still litter the lot.  Pieces of plaster, an old, broken sink, some scattered pipes, and the like are scattered throughout this forlorn field.

In the back of this lonely field there stands a donkey.  Every week, rain or shine, this donkey has stood in the field. His head is pointed downward at the ground. He is often in the same place in the field. He doesn't move much, except for an occasion which he was lying down (which alarmed me) on the ground. No owner seems to claim this poor beast, yet the donkey always stands in the field, not moving or making much noise.  He is unsure of himself, perhaps he is tired... but he is unfaltering, that's for sure. I always wonder about this donkey, since the rest of campus is so modern, and there are certainly no other signs of wildlife around. I often wave to him as I pass him, but surprisingly, he ignores me every time.

I know it's been awhile since I last wrote an entry, but I can clearly remember my first day as a teacher. I dressed myself in my best clothes (dress for success!), prepared a notebook and clip board, and tried not to look scared to death as I walked into my classroom. My students were already at their desks, anxiously awaiting the new "foreigner."  I was (and am) quite aware that I am only 20 years old. My students are sophomores -- probably the same age as me. I had all kinds of thoughts and worries about my first day as a teacher: "What if they can tell how old I am? They won't listen to me or respect me.", "What if I'm a terrible teacher, and can't teach. Will they get mad?", "What if I have nothing to say????", "What if I faint or something???!!!"

On the contrary, all my students sat at their desks with their hands folded. They smiled at me. I addressed the class, "Hello everyone!" They chimed, "Hello teacher!" in unison. I tried not to let that faze me. "This is Oral English, right?" I said. "Yes teacher!" they replied in unison. I made a few silly jokes, but they all stared blankly back at me. "Tough crowd," I muttered.  I gulped. They gulped. I sweat. They sweat. I cleared my throat and grabbed some chalk. They hurriedly grabbed their notebooks and pens. And thus an English class was born!

I find that it's easier and easier to teach English, the more you do it. At first, all my students were very afraid of me and of speaking, but the more I talk to them, the more they reply (some still shake, but we're working on that).  Now I've been teaching more than 2 months, and many of my students have started to laugh and smile in class.

In my experience as a teacher so far, I have found that I am taught quite a bit while "teaching" others. My students are the same age as me (but my age is a secret to them), and they are all very different people who come from very different backgrounds. I look forward to teaching them so that I can learn more about them.  My classes are largely discussion based, and each week we discuss a different topic. I confess, I sometimes choose topics based on something I would like to know more about. One week my classes discussed the different levels of education in China and their various ups and downs, another week we discussed the pros and cons of living in the city vs. the countryside.

Sometimes I play games with my students, like 20 questions (they love that one), "Guess that word," and charades. One week my classes did an activity called "Do I have a story for you!"  This activity involves each student in a group (of about 6 students) to create a line of a silly story. The following students must repeat each new line. I had some really interesting stories with this activity. One of my groups told this story: "Do I have a story for you! One day I got on the bus to go downtown. While on the bus I saw a beautiful woman. She was so beautiful, I couldn't take my eyes off her! I was so entranced by her that I missed my bus stop. Just as I was about to get off the bus, I looked closer and realized the woman was actually an attractive man with long hair."    This story got a huge laugh out of me, partly because the student to deliver the punchline was the "cool" boy in my class (his name is "Lil' B.Y." -- don't even ask).

Once, while discussing the ups and downs of universities in China, my student Gardenia said to me, "Teacher, you know, in China, we have a saying about education and teaching. 'A teacher is like a tender, the classroom like a garden. The students are flowers, and all they need is some love and care before they begin to bloom.'"

I always think of this saying when I prepare my lessons for my classes.

Just today, I gave my two classes midterms.  Even though I wasn't the one taking the midterm, I was nervous! What if my students have some trouble? What if someone didn't prepare? I often wonder if these feelings I have are the same ones my teachers back home have. I care about how my students do in my class, and I really care about their learning. I hope I am stepping closer and closer to being a real educator.

Teaching English has really been the best thing I've ever done. Though it can be hard at times, and physically tasking (I teach for 4 1/2 hours in a row), I am learning more about China and Chinese culture than I could have imagined I would! Here in a nutshell is another important lesson: never assume you already know about something, you can always learn more and better your understanding of a place, its people and its culture. Each face in a classroom has their own individual story, their own personal triumphs and falls, their own joys and sorrows. One should try to see what is behind those faces. When you look at a classroom full of faces (and this goes for almost any circumstance you may encounter in life), you are seeing the exterior of something.  You must always strive to see the interior of something, and only then, my friend, have you brushed the surface of understand it.

I often wonder about the donkey in that field. Does he belong to someone, or is he there of his own accord? Maybe he is symbolic; perhaps he delivers a message, or even serves as a reminder for something.  Am I that donkey in the field?

Yet, today, as I walked to my classroom building, I noticed the donkey was missing for the first time. At the edge of the field, a flower is just beginning to bloom.  I think spring is coming.