I was thinking last night about going home. I'm so nervous. It's weird because the first month I was here, I was so homesick... it was like memories were this gnawing, constant feeling. Sometimes I really just wanted to go home. But after the first month, studying abroad gets a lot easier. Don't get me wrong - I still miss my family and friends a lot, and can't wait to see them again! But now I've developed friendships with a lot of people over here, and the thought of leaving them is really sad. Especially because when you go abroad for four months, you know that in four months you will be on a plane going home. Whereas when you go back home, you don't know if you'll ever see these people again. There are some I think I will see again, but some that I don't think I will ever again cross paths with. And that's a really sad thought. Thank God for the technological age - at least I can keep in touch via facebook and email! But still... that's a little different than calling them up randomly to go hang out. Not that I even have a phone to call out on. I guess I should say, it's different than getting a call to go hang out! :)

Last night as I was lying in bed, about to fall asleep, I was thinking about that and I got that churning feeling in my stomach. I was just imagining myself on my bed at home, with my pink cd player (that my old roommate named "Miss Piggy") playing my new Brooke Fraser album... the house quiet because everyone was sleeping... and just this feeling rising in my stomach like I was going to burst out crying. That feeling of nervous energy and sadness. We all know that feeling. When you feel like you've lost something you can't get back. Because nothing will ever be quite the same again.

That's not necessarily a bad thing. I have changed so much - and it's all for the good, I believe. I have grown and matured and learned so many things. I'm always praying that I can learn all I can from another culture and another way of doing things. And it's been great, so great!! I am sooo glad I came here.

But it's just going to be weird because old friendships change, and now I've gotten close to people here that I'm just going to be leaving. It's weird to think that I can never come back to these Aussie friendships and have them be quite like they are now. It's just different, that's all. And I don't always like things to be different. Sometimes I wish they could stay the same forever. (Even though then I would be SO bored I couldn't STAND it!!)

So it's all good. I'm just starting to get myself mentally and emotionally prepared to go home. Because even though it will be good, it will be different. And they say the culture shock is worse when you go back to your culture, because you're not expecting it.

Hopefully it's not too bad, seeing as I didn't really experience any culture shock coming here.

This is a short blog. Sorry it's more of a downer. I just am a little depressed today thinking about things. I get like this when I'm in a thoughtful mood. But I'm excited, so excited!, to enjoy this last month of being here! Four and a half weeks left, and boy am I going to live them up!! :)