1:14am

On my dorm room bed

"Hold your own.  Know your name.  Go your own way.  ...Everything will be fine."

10 Days.  I only need to last another 10 days.  That is it.  I'm trying.  I'm really trying.

The flight plans have officially changed.  Due to funds, I don't get the see the penguins, but I'll save that as something to do with David when we come back to Australia.  I'm leaving the 18th of November now.  Thank God.  I want to go home so badly.  I can't explain how badly I need home.  I'm depressed.  I'm a mess.  I'm stressed like crazy (and no- none of that was meant to rhyme).  I need to go home to Dave.  He is my comfort.  I need to just cuddle in his arms and be able to relax.

I've wondered about us- David and I.  I can't help but think, though, I must love him if I miss him this much.  I can't stop thinking about him.  I just want to go home and see him.  I hope things will be good between us when I get home.  I wonder how much I've really changed, and if it will affect us.  I have no real clue.  Right now I have no way of knowing how we'll hold up when I get back.  All I can hope for is good things.

My friends here have been disastrous.  They ditched me multiple times... apologized after the first, and then didn't even bother to respond to my bit of anger the second time (and I just didn't even bother after that).  At this point, I guess it doesn't matter, since I'm leaving, but I'm sad it will end this way.  At the same time, this makes it way easier to leave. 

I managed to get sick another few times since I last blogged... another stomach flu AND a very bad staph infection on the tip of my nose.  My luck, hey?

I've been bad with my schoolwork.  I have a week left at USQ, and I still have 2 papers to write.  The stress is self-induced at this point.  I can't bring myself to overcome this procastination.  I will though.  Doing two papers in two days, starting tomorrow.  Seriously.  I'll happen.

I think it'll be good for me to go back to Wheelock.  The fact that no one here cared if I went to my classes made me not care at all, and I ended up slacking up way more than I should have.  I'm going back to work next semester... I want to get back to being a better student.  Being a slacker is a crappy feeling- seriously.  I'm even going to get over my procrastination phase- start papers as soon as I get the assignments for them, and go to classes no matter what (sick or not... which is what has been stopping me). 

So- I figured out how I've changed.  David talked about some "new me," and it made me realize my changes.  There is no new me, though.  I have just become a lot more of who I was before I met Dave.  I have gone back to my adventurous, extroverted self that I was.  I guess David just changes me.  I don't necessarily see anything negative there (mostly positives, actually), so I guess that's fine.  Again, we'll see how it goes when I get back home.

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Details in the Fabric- Jason Mraz

  "Calm down.  Deep Breaths.  Get yourself dressed instead of running around and pulling all your threatds and breaking yourself up.  If it's a broken part, replace it.  If it's a broken arm, then brace it.  If it's a broken heart then face it."

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I'm taking deep breaths until I get home.  One week at uni, then 3 along the Gold Coast- bumming around, surfing, and diving. 

I'm so close.  So so close.