11:22pm

On my bedroom/dormroom floor

>>Currently listening to Dashboard Confessional

I can't do this anymore.  I need to go home.  Ever here I put on this fake happiness face.  Everyday I build a new, wonderful façade.  Virutally everyday I cry.

I'm currently in a ridiculous amount of pain (physically I mean.. I feel like I always am mentally).  Last night I pulled a muscle in my back and it has affected me tremendously.  I can barely move anything on the upper left side of y body.  I"m taking a crazy am;outn of pills to make this go away.  On top of that, my [newly diagnosed] arthritis has been killing me.  I've bgeen such a disaster.  On top of THAT, I'm still sick from the small amout of alsochol I had the other day (2 nights ago, now).

Dave has wondered my intentions about being in Australia lately.  A few weeks ago I considered staying.  He gave me the option of him or Australia.  I seriously considered here.  He said that there is a new me and he doesn't think that this new me likes him or would like him if I met him today.  I considered his words.  I know that while if I met him today I may not immediately be physically attracted to him, I would damn well have falle in love with his personality in seconds.  He's really wonderful that way.  I also guessed (not second guessed, for it has far surpassed a second time) my love for him.  I love him.  I love him more than anything, anyone, anywhere.  I would give up ANYTHING for him.  I would give my life for him.  Right now all I want to do is go home and cuddle and cry in his arms.  All I want is him. 

My original plan for once the semester ended was to travel all around Oz.  My new plans -» one of the following- if Brijette gets the go ahead, rent a camper and travel from Brisbane to Adelaide and back to Sydney to fly home.. OR if she can't, I'll do the 3 things I have left to do here and go home in time for Thanksgiving.  This means food, family, and the most important thing in my life- David.  Honesly, I'm praying that Brijette can't go so that I can just go home.  I love Australia.  I love him more.

---My Three Things:

° See the penguins in Melbourne

° Learn to surf

° Dive a bit more before I leave

When those are accomplished, my trip is truly complete.

So.. academically, I'm a mess.  Because of my constant sickness, I'm beind in my classes.  I'm currently working on 2 past due papers, and I still have 2 more.  After that I have 2 finals to study for and take.  Disaster.  My profs completely understand (and ROCK, btw), so that is wicked cool. 

Other than that stuff, njothing new I think.  If I think of anything, I'll make sure to blog it. 

All I have to say is this: MAN am I a mess.  I really just want to go home.  /cry   Let's hope soon.  One more month, maybe?