why do women hurt themselves? i've been pondering this question on and off over the last few months, or even years. but it was brought home to me quite forcefully when i listened to a girlfriend of mine pour her heart out over the phone about some beast of a guy who has been breaking her heart again and again for the last 3 years, but particularly so within the last year.

aside from the fact that his behaviour has been really shocking and incomprehensible, there are two things that especially keep holding my meditation as it concerns the whole issue. one is the fact that my friend is now so familiar with the man's deeds that she could have told herself that shit would happen before it happened. yet she kept walking into it, presumably with eyes wide shut. secondly, the fact that even supposedly intelligent and highly educated women still put up with bull.

but as i told her, i could empathise. i have certainly been there. the problem is that you keep trusting and believing that somehow the next time will be better. he'll wise up and realise that 'he's working with platinum, even if he keeps chasing after brass', as another sister likes saying. i've been through it all and as i told my mother some time ago: it was only after i had my crazy experiences in ethiopia that i really overstood what she went thru in trying to keep her family together, even with problems from my dad.

it's sad but it's real. i gave my friend the only piece of advice i could truly offer: give it time. it's good you've realised your own actions are perpetuating the cycle but realise that it will take lots of internal spiritual balance and fortitude to right the situation. only with time will you find peace. only with keeping your appointment with your own soul and destiny. and not making other people's appointments yours.

more peace. more love.